Crazy, I haven't posted in here forever. In fact, I even forgot I had a personal / private journal outside of this. I'm thinking maybe I should get back to writing. It's therapeutic in a lot of ways, and fascinating to look back on posts years later. Amazing to see how some things don't change over time (despite hopeful thinking), and in other ways, so much changes.
And crazy that "Sullen" still seems to fit so well for this journal... many years later. I've come a long way from when I first started this journal, but yet the title still seems so genuine / fitting to me. I wonder why I always have this underlying sadness - even through the best and happiest of times. I wouldn't call it 'depression' by any means, it just is what it is. I really think it just might come from thinking too much, or maybe I just don't allow myself to fully experience happiness when I could be.... I don't know...
Anyway, returning back to posting. Here and my personal journal. Haven't listened to Duncan Sheik in the longest time.... something that seems to bring me back, in a wistful way.
"Before the truth goes back into hiding
I want to decide 'cause it's worth deciding
To work on finding something more than this fear
It takes so much out of me to pretend
Tell me now, tell me how to make amends
Maybe, I need to see the daylight
To leave behind the half-life
Don't you see I'm breaking down
Lately, something here don't feel right
This is just a half-life
Is there really no escape?
No escape from time
Of any kind
I keep trying to understand
This thing and that thing, my fellow man
I guess I'll let you know
When I figure it out
I don't mind a few mysteries
They can stay that way it's fine by me
but you are another mystery, I am missing"
I have these moments, when a song touches me so to the core of everything I'm feeling at that moment, and I can't help but break down and cry.
Switchfoot - Thrive
"I come alive when I hear you singing, but lately I haven't been hearing a thing...feel like I travel but I never arrive, I wanna thrive, not just survive"
Then I'm only on the surface
I heard a song inside me
It resonated off the sea
And all the chorus voices sang it back to me
If life is an ocean Then I'm only on the surface
This is where they come in
Where some lives end and some begin
And this is where I like to stand
And watch the swirling ways of man
To stir humanity, the visions of dignity
To see what will conspire
If I throw myself into it's fire
Sara Bareilles -- Say You're Sorry
Empowering song I put on repeat a couple of times tonight.
How have I been you ask?
"I wash[ed] my hands clean
And let you watch me as I go
And I'm sorry for you, just so you know"
New-to-me-piano-artist with songs that remind me of Fiona-apple-style(word):
-Love Save the Empty